Marriage Frenzy - a miscalculated step?

My friend told me the funniest story. She called a friend to tell her about her wedding plans.  Before she could get it into it, after pleasantries was exchanged, her friend chipped in “madam, I hope you are not about to tell me you are getting married?”  According to my friend, the other person on the phone sounded scared actually. Like she could not contain on more call if it was about a wedding.

Well it is needless to say that stopped my friend right in her tracks; the conversation went in a completely different direction. The rest of the conversation was clearly going to be insincere and awkward.

I thought it was comical but the truth is many young women are tired of being called on the phone to hear that five or ten friends of yours are getting married. At a point you are getting tired of screaming congratulations like you are a banshee.

The frenzy to get married these days is so overwhelming; a woman can barely stop to REALLY think about how ready we are for marriage. Getting caught up in the hype is too easy and quite contagious. While you would be happy for your friends, you somehow become wistful, wondering when it’s going to happen for you.

The truth is not many of us really stop to ask ourselves whether we are ready to be married or cut out for marriage at all. Many young women these days, married or not, fail to put ourselves outside the marriage box to really assess  who we are as women and what it entails to live with another in that bare-it-all sacrificial type of setting for the rest of your life.

How many of us are really ready to share ourselves endlessly with another? How many people are ready to live that non-stop cycle that, with all things being equal, includes this permanent yet separate entity in your life that is your husband?

I would not say that this self-evaluation is the key ingredient that is missing in so many deteriorating marriages, but the truth is many young women are going in to this thing with an insincere version of themselves and their capabilities. This in turn hurts us and hurts our spouses. Three years in, and young couples are seriously considering divorce. Currently unmarried, it would be such a shame to me if I did so eventually and realized that I waited this long to be in a marriage where I could not be myself completely.

I am not an expert when it comes to marriages, much less relationships. I really don’t presume to know much. I do seem to notice however that both women and men are the least happy when they sense a lack of freedom and there is no opportunity to be themselves for each other and themselves.

There are a few questions we must ask ourselves before we even allow ourselves to go crazy about marriage. Yes MARRIAGE not Weddings.

Do I know who I am?

Before we can live peacefully with another, it is fair to give ourselves a fair assessment. How do you rate yourself in all aspects of your life? Is your career a major precedent in your life, how do you feel about children, your patience, what are your views with regards to your role as a wife or a partner. Ask yourself hard hitting questions you would normally avoid and try to give yourself honest answers. In a sense this would give you an idea of what your strengths and short comings are.

Why do you want to be married?

Is it to fulfill a natural passage rite of your nature as a woman? In other words, do you want to get married because it is that time now? Do you want to marry because it provides you with security? Will ensure that you do not stick out as the odd one? Is primarily for children?

Is being married more about him or you?

It would be sad to chase marriage just because you are the party that wants it. If you are not on the same page on the subject, it is best to weigh what your partners reasons are for waiting? Are they legit reasons that you can understand or are they questionable? If you feel your partner is giving reasons that are not satisfactory, do you have the courage to walk and start over or it means more compromise?

Where does love fall in your relationship?

Are you even in love? I realized that when a couple is in love, the idea of marriage comes naturally however couples approach it in a more relaxed fashion. Couples like these enjoy the journey that actually leads to matrimony. On the flipside, if you have a specific reason for your partner aside genuine affection, there is a good chance of it deteriorating since either party does not have the interest of the other at heart.

Little girl

"how do you start from the beginning when you are already at the end?"

I saw a glimpse of her this morning as I stepped out of the bath. I don't think she meant for me to catch her. She wasn't looking for me, really.  she passed as a quickly as she came.

in that second i saw her ,She was smiling and hiding in some mischievous way.. Like she had caught up with me before I caught up with her.. So i turn to look again.; i lit up when i saw her. She was so young, humming to herself as though it brought her more joy than anything to just hum. She looked ready and eager for whatever she was setting out to do. at the same time i could see contentment and confusion. Her puzzlement was directed at me. It was as a result of what she saw on me i believe, although i am not sure...
I realised i knew her. She was someone i knew

Love express... HOZIER

 Now i heard this song sometime last week, i had no idea who Hozier was. Otherwise known as
Andrew Hozier-Byrne, this irish singer-songwriter's haunting feel to his music puts him right up there with some of my recent favorites  like Sia, Sam Smith and James Blake. Now i am sure i am like most people. Meaning it is  likely the tune, beat or rhythm of a song is what draws us firstly; way before we bother with what they are saying. This was quite different for me for some reason. Firstly i thought the title was catchy and i was intrigued.
Hozier's voice is very appropriate for the message too. Deep and arresting
Now the lyrics here y'all!! Oh people i think they were divine!. Its edgy, witty, depressingly beautiful and raw in describing that sweet despair, we call love.Love in all its forms. Love which should transcend into everything but really doesn't. 

For me,  i think this song tells me to have enough love to accept all things, even that which i cannot understand. Yes that one we all get caught up in that don't we?. So i thought i would shut up and share instead.   Love it! I hope you do too

  "Take Me To Church" - Hozier

My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshiped her sooner

If the Heavens ever did speak
She is the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week

'We were born sick,' you heard them say it

My church offers no absolution
She tells me, 'Worship in the bedroom'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick,
But I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen


Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

If I'm a pagan of the good times
My lover's the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice

To drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That's a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We've a lot of starving faithful

That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work

No masters or kings
When the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am human
Only then I am clean
Amen. Amen. Amen

Giving up

Giving up isn't as easy as it seems.It's so deceptive isn't it? It blurs out all the other options, making it difficult to hear those faint voices of laughter that call out to you.  Waiting to show themselves if you would look harder. Giving up always looks taller; Standing alone, beckoning you, you the beaten drained gaunt looking contender; beckoning you deceiving, telling you your course been run; waiting to comfort you; perpetually in grief and sorrow, tears your drink, despair your feed...

It is a sad thing to see; you becoming something painful within and without. You are not you. You are lifeless. A thing outside itself.

Outside itself because the real you still had mileage left.some fire left.

I wish you well. I wish you break open from the gray. I wish you sustenance and hope.. For outside the gray is LIFE in ABUNDANCE

Blogging about not blogging

I get so jealous when i read other blogs; Great blogs. Reading about things I have also thought about at one time or the other but was too lazy to put my thoughts on paper. My whole body wakes up and i can literally feel my heart thumping because i know i should have written this when i should have. Damn,You feel me? 
I guess that's how every body gets when they are passionate about something and are not doing it justice.
There is a lot going on. governments are screwing or unscrewing the people over, be it fuel crisis or  high utility bills. men and women are living, loving, hurting, dying, killing, birthing. LIVING.  I know I am part of this evolution and like you, I war  CONSTANTLY with the thin lines of change; the old and new, what is right and wrong; Always questioning the original factors that have shaped my perception about the world, Africa, Ghana, You and what I allow in to continue this task. 
I care about all these things and I should talk about it too. Not to be seen but to share. For THEREIN sharing lies SOME kind of strength and a certainty.. For me at least.

Where is all this coming from? reading this: How to be a great African Writer by Elsie Eyakuze bit.ly/1t2pee4.

"So how does one become a revered African Writer? By not becoming one. The point of this life-choice, I think, is to be a Writer. That is where the actual pinnacle of success lies, above the cloud of adjectives, in the pure clean air of indisputable mastery, in the hopes of living on beyond the frailness of the body in the minds and hearts of generations to come. Amen."

Well, Case Closed.

Hopefully it will be all the inspiration i require. 

So Hi! I am Ghanaian. My name is Kwakyewaa and it is Nice to meet you!

ADOMAH...

 Anima shook with laughter, and said "Ei Maame, as for you, everyday different story".
 I looked at her with a mock gasp and said "But it's true! He was scrolling down contacts on his phone. He  paused at SWEET WIFE 1 and SWEET WIFE 2. I thought to myself, "his wife has two numbers".
It was ridiculous how I was shamelessly  spying at this man's business on his phone while the bus was moving.( I didn't really feel that bad too. There was really nothing else to do, I was bored and my own cell phone battery was running low). 
After a couple of seconds,quickly, he kissed his teeth, like he had come to the conclusion that calling his wife was a very bad idea and the world could sue him for not calling. Then he went up to contact ADOMAH and called in a voice that was clearly his sexy I'm-about-to-turn-you-the-hell-on!".



At that point, it was everything I could do not to throw my head back and laugh. I mean Diana Asamoah worship tunes were blaring from the radio so it was not a great setting for him kraaa...
He proceeded then to tell ADOMAH how he had missed her and was heading home all by his sad sad self :(. There can't be a more obvious hint than that.(i sat there and rolled my eyes too many times) Anyway after a few mushy words, this man and ADOMAH ended their conversation. He wasn't getting down with ADOMAH tonight.

 NB: He did not call contact:SWEET WIFE 1 or 2.

I thought the whole experience was funny. I still do. it's sad though isn't it? So many couples aren't friends anymore. When life and realities of who we are start to set in. When love or the lack of it is misinterpreted, when pent-up pain turns passion cold. So there you are; the most important part of you, ever present in the MIND and HEART is unable to make you happy anymore. Soon all you have are some really great memories but no power to make them new all over again. You can't call because you are wary of what you will get back. things unsaid, words misinterpreted, escalated conversations, neglect, disrespect.. Yet you remember something familiar that got you here in the first place. The pure, core thing...

I hope he did go home to SWEET WIFE. I hope he would tell her he still loved her. I hope he would say he was sorry if he hurt her in more ways than he meant to. Not because he wasn't trying hard enough, not because he got things wrong every time but because they had something bigger that was worth fighting for. Something bigger than pride or anger. Something bigger than ADOMAH.

 I hope SWEET WIFE 1 and 2 would do same.

Something

If I had a pattern to how I function, life would probably BE easier. I mean, if i woke up everyday at 5 o'clock in the morning, had coffee, called a boyfriend, checked my mail, systematically and got to work (in good time of course, beating traffic), I would know what to expect, I guess. If I could see with a certainty where i would be in five or ten years from now, doing the same things.. Would I be any different?

No. so yes, i am not a person of patterns really. sometimes I will wake up at five, sometimes I won't, sometimes i will have coffee and other times i will have waakye. Sometimes i don't check my mail because I know there is nothing in there. I don't know where i will be in the next five years. But I change?

Maybe. But what i do know and what is certain is that my mind and heart is ready for something. something big. something small. something beautiful. something different. something new.

my heart is ready for SOMETHING