Babs

"What? No No no no no, no, you said that the last time, Kwame, no, NO you are not going to do this to me.!  I have already made reservations, this is very last minute! She what? So cancel i dont care, you will not leave me hanging tonight, not again! God! why do I put up with your shit? Argh!. If Kwame was the giant glass door way at the office entrance right now, she knew her yelling would have him cracked in a million non-recognizable pieces.  She banged the phone in its set several times  until it broke her well-manicured nail. She only managed to topple it over the office glass table and onto the floor.  She screamed some more... until her screams become hardly audible sobs. She didn't care if there was anybody in office that could hear her. She just didn't care. In any case it was well past  working hours, there couldn't be anyone significant around.  She felt strength seep out of her very soul, with every strangled cry "I can't.. I just can't..." She felt despair, helplessness as she sank to the Gray carpeted floor of her  office.

Through her tears and  mascara stained face, she looked round her office.. the pictures of her laughing with college  friends which were on the shelf, whom now seem to belong to a faint somewhat happy time in an old story. this was peculiar since she finished college just three years ago....
"Barbara smile for the cameras! it's your last day in college!" the chatter, the love, the hope, yes the hope... it was all they held on to.. there was a mixture of fear and excitement, that came with the thrills of the unknown. Who would be the first to marry? who would have the high earning job? the richest, the weakest, the famous?

Barbara was just as motivated and ready.. She had a lot to prove.  Being the first to get to college without a baby or two in the way. Mama.. well, her mother didn't think much of her.. As far as as she was concerned,  Barbara... or Babs ( she hated that name) thought too highly of herself. Just like her father.. Babs knew her mother would have been happier if her daughter had  messed up just a little bit. Caused a few more riots, had a few abortions, drank too much, smoked a John once in a while, anything... a little struggle that would have remotely reminded her that she was indeed her own blood..Sadly all her mother saw was a stranger when she looked at Babs. Although there was love, but she felt more disdain. How perfect Babs was.. Barbera always seemed to have it all  together. Never a strand of hair out of place. She never lost her cool, just like the upright never-could-do-no-wrong Colonel Kusi.. the man she loved, but never was worthy of.. Barbara's father... well mum, she thought ruefully, a grim smile on her wet face, guess we are alike after all...

She was LOSING it. It was all because of this MAN.

Here she was, three years down the line, in love with a man that was not hers. Disgust could not begin to describe the turmoil that brewed in her every night.  Every night, when he took her.. on the office table, in women's bathroom, in her car,everywhere. Did it matter? Did it matter that he did not belong to her? Should it not matter that she was in love. Was she to apologise for that?. She knew these defiant thoughts were only fuelled by the anger that was caused by her loneliness. Kwame's warmth lasted only for a while. It was priceless but short-lived. It could not be contained no matter how hard she tried.
She sighed, feeling very tired.  She knew she should have never accepted the job.but Kay insisted. "She always insists.. why does she do that shit?" 

The whistling of the wind, a rustle of the leaves from the opened window behind her desk, shook her from her deep thoughts. she was suddenly aware again of her tear-stained face and her crouched body on the office carpet floor..Everyone had left. She didn't want to move but she knew she had to get home....

Marriage Frenzy - a miscalculated step?

My friend told me the funniest story. She called a friend to tell her about her wedding plans.  Before she could get it into it, after pleasantries was exchanged, her friend chipped in “madam, I hope you are not about to tell me you are getting married?”  According to my friend, the other person on the phone sounded scared actually. Like she could not contain on more call if it was about a wedding.

Well it is needless to say that stopped my friend right in her tracks; the conversation went in a completely different direction. The rest of the conversation was clearly going to be insincere and awkward.

I thought it was comical but the truth is many young women are tired of being called on the phone to hear that five or ten friends of yours are getting married. At a point you are getting tired of screaming congratulations like you are a banshee.

The frenzy to get married these days is so overwhelming; a woman can barely stop to REALLY think about how ready we are for marriage. Getting caught up in the hype is too easy and quite contagious. While you would be happy for your friends, you somehow become wistful, wondering when it’s going to happen for you.

The truth is not many of us really stop to ask ourselves whether we are ready to be married or cut out for marriage at all. Many young women these days, married or not, fail to put ourselves outside the marriage box to really assess  who we are as women and what it entails to live with another in that bare-it-all sacrificial type of setting for the rest of your life.

How many of us are really ready to share ourselves endlessly with another? How many people are ready to live that non-stop cycle that, with all things being equal, includes this permanent yet separate entity in your life that is your husband?

I would not say that this self-evaluation is the key ingredient that is missing in so many deteriorating marriages, but the truth is many young women are going in to this thing with an insincere version of themselves and their capabilities. This in turn hurts us and hurts our spouses. Three years in, and young couples are seriously considering divorce. Currently unmarried, it would be such a shame to me if I did so eventually and realized that I waited this long to be in a marriage where I could not be myself completely.

I am not an expert when it comes to marriages, much less relationships. I really don’t presume to know much. I do seem to notice however that both women and men are the least happy when they sense a lack of freedom and there is no opportunity to be themselves for each other and themselves.

There are a few questions we must ask ourselves before we even allow ourselves to go crazy about marriage. Yes MARRIAGE not Weddings.

Do I know who I am?

Before we can live peacefully with another, it is fair to give ourselves a fair assessment. How do you rate yourself in all aspects of your life? Is your career a major precedent in your life, how do you feel about children, your patience, what are your views with regards to your role as a wife or a partner. Ask yourself hard hitting questions you would normally avoid and try to give yourself honest answers. In a sense this would give you an idea of what your strengths and short comings are.

Why do you want to be married?

Is it to fulfill a natural passage rite of your nature as a woman? In other words, do you want to get married because it is that time now? Do you want to marry because it provides you with security? Will ensure that you do not stick out as the odd one? Is primarily for children?

Is being married more about him or you?

It would be sad to chase marriage just because you are the party that wants it. If you are not on the same page on the subject, it is best to weigh what your partners reasons are for waiting? Are they legit reasons that you can understand or are they questionable? If you feel your partner is giving reasons that are not satisfactory, do you have the courage to walk and start over or it means more compromise?

Where does love fall in your relationship?

Are you even in love? I realized that when a couple is in love, the idea of marriage comes naturally however couples approach it in a more relaxed fashion. Couples like these enjoy the journey that actually leads to matrimony. On the flipside, if you have a specific reason for your partner aside genuine affection, there is a good chance of it deteriorating since either party does not have the interest of the other at heart.