Marriage Frenzy - a miscalculated step?

My friend told me the funniest story. She called a friend to tell her about her wedding plans.  Before she could get it into it, after pleasantries was exchanged, her friend chipped in “madam, I hope you are not about to tell me you are getting married?”  According to my friend, the other person on the phone sounded scared actually. Like she could not contain on more call if it was about a wedding.

Well it is needless to say that stopped my friend right in her tracks; the conversation went in a completely different direction. The rest of the conversation was clearly going to be insincere and awkward.

I thought it was comical but the truth is many young women are tired of being called on the phone to hear that five or ten friends of yours are getting married. At a point you are getting tired of screaming congratulations like you are a banshee.

The frenzy to get married these days is so overwhelming; a woman can barely stop to REALLY think about how ready we are for marriage. Getting caught up in the hype is too easy and quite contagious. While you would be happy for your friends, you somehow become wistful, wondering when it’s going to happen for you.

The truth is not many of us really stop to ask ourselves whether we are ready to be married or cut out for marriage at all. Many young women these days, married or not, fail to put ourselves outside the marriage box to really assess  who we are as women and what it entails to live with another in that bare-it-all sacrificial type of setting for the rest of your life.

How many of us are really ready to share ourselves endlessly with another? How many people are ready to live that non-stop cycle that, with all things being equal, includes this permanent yet separate entity in your life that is your husband?

I would not say that this self-evaluation is the key ingredient that is missing in so many deteriorating marriages, but the truth is many young women are going in to this thing with an insincere version of themselves and their capabilities. This in turn hurts us and hurts our spouses. Three years in, and young couples are seriously considering divorce. Currently unmarried, it would be such a shame to me if I did so eventually and realized that I waited this long to be in a marriage where I could not be myself completely.

I am not an expert when it comes to marriages, much less relationships. I really don’t presume to know much. I do seem to notice however that both women and men are the least happy when they sense a lack of freedom and there is no opportunity to be themselves for each other and themselves.

There are a few questions we must ask ourselves before we even allow ourselves to go crazy about marriage. Yes MARRIAGE not Weddings.

Do I know who I am?

Before we can live peacefully with another, it is fair to give ourselves a fair assessment. How do you rate yourself in all aspects of your life? Is your career a major precedent in your life, how do you feel about children, your patience, what are your views with regards to your role as a wife or a partner. Ask yourself hard hitting questions you would normally avoid and try to give yourself honest answers. In a sense this would give you an idea of what your strengths and short comings are.

Why do you want to be married?

Is it to fulfill a natural passage rite of your nature as a woman? In other words, do you want to get married because it is that time now? Do you want to marry because it provides you with security? Will ensure that you do not stick out as the odd one? Is primarily for children?

Is being married more about him or you?

It would be sad to chase marriage just because you are the party that wants it. If you are not on the same page on the subject, it is best to weigh what your partners reasons are for waiting? Are they legit reasons that you can understand or are they questionable? If you feel your partner is giving reasons that are not satisfactory, do you have the courage to walk and start over or it means more compromise?

Where does love fall in your relationship?

Are you even in love? I realized that when a couple is in love, the idea of marriage comes naturally however couples approach it in a more relaxed fashion. Couples like these enjoy the journey that actually leads to matrimony. On the flipside, if you have a specific reason for your partner aside genuine affection, there is a good chance of it deteriorating since either party does not have the interest of the other at heart.